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HIGH OLD COURT OF IMPEACHMENT, 

— OR - 


“AS GOOD AS A PLAY,” 

IN 


T 3rl REB -A_ GTS. 


By P. E. R. SIMMONS. 


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[Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1878, by DeWitt C. Cooley, in the office 
of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C.] 


ST. PAUL: 

OSSIAN E. DODGE, 

Cor. Third and Wabasha. 



fS]Srj 

<ji\ 






DRAMATIS PER SONJE. 

MEN. 


Respondent and his Counsel.—Managers and Counsel for 
Impeachment.—Speaker, Members, and Officers of House.— 
President, Members, and Officers of Senate.—County Officers, 
and Ringsters of Mower County.—Dutch Justice of the Peace, 
and Tipstaves.—Irishmen, Swedes, and Norwegians.-—Mob and 
Tax-payers, etc., etc. 


women. 

Miss Pinery Press, commonly called P. P. for short. 


DEDICATION. 

“Who laughs last laughs best;” and, as the Tax-payers of 
Minnesota are likely to be the last to laugh at the proceedings of 
the “High Old Court,” to them, this little comedy is respectfully 
dedicated. —The Author. 



HIGH OLD COURT OF IMPEACHMENT, 


ACT I. 

Scene 1 . [A Justice's Court Room.—Discovering Dutch Jus¬ 
tice seated, and Tipstaves, with Huge Clubs, standing .] 

Dutch Just. Vare ish der brizoners ! Pring in der gocjbrits. 
[Exit Tipstaves.] 

Enter Mob. [Dragging in Page by the hair, ears, nose, etc., 
and striving to put about his neck a large brass collar, marked, 
“The Mower County Ring," which citizens and tax-payers, mixed 
with mob, strive to prevent.'] 

Mob. Kill liim ! Hang him ! Burn Him ! Crucify him ! 

Dutch Just. [Rapping on his table with a bung starter.] Zilence 
dare in goort, you fellers, I zay! [To Page.] Yell slioodge, 
vot you zay now, apout dem leedle dings vot I hears dem zay 
apout you! 

One of Mob. [A Swede, ivith voice in tone and inflection a la 
guinea hen.] Yaw-re we-re kill-re him-re. He-re no-re good-re 
Swedee! 

Second of Mob. [A Norwegian, a la guinea hen.] Yaw-gre 
we-gre kill-re him-re too-gre. He-gre no-gre good-re Nor- 
wegianee man-ee! 

Dutch Justice. [Rapping.] Zilence, I zay dare in goort, you 
fellers vot makes zo mooch rumpus mit your moudts, already! 
You fellers petter looks out a leedle, und makes a leedle more 



4 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


[Act I. 


zilence mit your noises, or maype zome of you fellers gommits 
der goort for gondemp! [To Page.] Yell Shoodge, vot you 
dinks now apout dem dings ! Vy doose you not zooner pring on 
der drial und give your shoodgment against dot mans Molly 
Zoons, und zendjiim to sliail, vare he vants to go, und vare he 
zhould orter pe long ago? Ungh? 

One of Mob. [A Swede.] Him-re be-re tyrant-ee ! Ilim-re 
no-re Sweed-ee. 

Second of Mob. [A Norwegian .] He-gre be-gre no-gre good-re 
man-re for-gre Scandinavian-ee. [Note. — We have not consulted 
‘‘The Professor of Northern European Languages ,” as to whether 
the above are genuine specimens of Swedish and Norwegian, or “hog 
latin ,” but it will be remembered that they are literal extracts from 
the report of this trial, made by the reporter of the P. P., and for 
which he was, afterwards, so long and cruelly incarcerated by Judge 
Page, in the dungeons of Lickskillet, that he has not recovered his 
wits yet, and continues to look frightened, even to the present time. 
—Ed.] 

Mob. [All.] Down with him ! We don’t want any Judge. 

Just. Yell Shoodge, vot you zays now to dot ? 

Page. [With voice of raven, as per Ed. of P. P.] “Fiat 
justitia, ruat coelum.” 

Just. Mine Got in himmel! you hears dot? Der Shoodge 
zays dot he fights mit der joostice—dot ish me—und dot he 
ruinate der ceilings—dot is der roof tops of mine coort rooms ! 
[Getting up and edging towards door.) Yell Shoodge, I zees 
noding for der lyers to lay der hands on, in your case, und dot 
you knows more apout dese dings dan ever I doose, zo I lets 
you joost dry yourzelf, und dot you prings on der drials zo zoon 
as ever you can. [Exeunt—Mob shouting.] 


Scene 2. [Street in Lickskillet.] 

Enter Mob. [Fighting with Tax-payers.] 

Irishman. Ah, begorrali! the Judge is too. much for the 
whole pack of yeez, ye Babylonyans! The Judge, with his jaw 
bone, like Sampson, will slay the whole of yeez ! 

Mob. [Confusedly fleeing and crying] Here he comes ! Look 



Scene 2.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


5 


out boys, here he comes! Old Page is loose again! Save 
yourselves boys ! Save yourselves ! 

Enter Pinery Press. [ Dressed like an old termagant woman, 
in newspapers, inscribed in large letters, “Libel,” “Slander,” 
“Bribery,” “Blood Money .”] 

P. P. Cravens ! why flee ye before a supercilious donkey—a 
bigoted hypocrite—a contumacious misanthrope—a bombastic 
blatherskite—a vapory vesicle of verbose verbosity ? [Mob shout 
in derision.'] Hold, my friends ; I am not speaking of myself; 
I am propounding no personalities of self individuality, but I 
am speaking of that impedimentary obstruction of human pro¬ 
gression, which a blind exercise of the elective franchise has 
foisted, as a judicial adjunct, onto the “omphalos” of the judiciary 
of this commonwealth! We thought you all knew your old 
aunty P. P., by the cerulean hues of her proboscis! , 

Office Holders. [All.] Hurrah for old P. P.! May her 
shadow never grow thinner! 

Swede. Yaw-re, she-re liatee Pagee too-re. 

Norwegian. Yaw-gre, sh -gre lie-gre moree on-re Page-re 
than-re anybody. 

P. P. [Aside.] Vile Page! on thee we’ll press our libel 
blotter, and though thou now art white as ermine or falling 
snow, when ye come forth from ’neath our winding sheet, thou 
slialt be blacker than Erebus or sable, ebon night! [Aloud.] 
Friends, since justice is blind, and law unwilling, let us turn 
this hateful Page in our book of troubles, over to a court that is 
above both law and justice. Let our watchword, henceforth, 
be Impeachment! The Hat and Impeachment! [Hands around 
her bonnet.] 

Swede. [Putting money in hat.] Yaw-re, we-re impeach-re 
him-re, for-ee he-re be-re no-re good-re Swedee man-ee. 

Norwegian. [Putting money in hat.] Yaw-gre, we-gre too-gre 
impeach-re Page-re for-gre he-gre no-gre alway-re decigre for-gre 
Norwegian man-ee. 

Off. Holder. [Putting tax money in hat.] Here, take the 
county taxes too; for if we can’t get rid of this old tyrant, we’ll 
have to pay it all into the county treasury; and every one of us 
will have to settle up our accounts to the last farthing. 

Mob. [Shouting.] The Hat and Impeachment! Hat and 
Impeachment. [Exeunt.] 

END OF ACT I. 


6 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


[Act II. 


ACT II. 

Scene 1. [The Hall of the House of Representatives. — Dis¬ 
covering SPEAKER, MEMBERS, OFFICERS, ETC., of House. -DELEGATION 

of MOWER COUNTY OFFICIALS,-COUNSEL for MANAGERS, and SPECTA¬ 

TORS, reporters, with their legs hanging through the ceiling above, 
etc.] 

Speaker. [Rapping gavel.] The house will come to order. 

Mr. Metheglin. [Metropolitan member.] I move that the 
House goes into secret session. 

Speaker. No objection being made, this House will now go 
into secret session. All persons, except Members, and Delegates 
from Mower County and their counsel, will retire. [Spectators 
retire, and doors are closed.] 

1st Reporter. [Speaking from above.] I say Jim, wouldn’t 
this be jolly if it wasn’t so confounded dark? If we only had 
the noses of some of those old fellers down there, we’d have a 
regular illumination up here, wouldn’t we ? 

2d Reporter. What I’m thinking about most just now is, 
what a go there’d be, if this lath and plastering should give way, 
and we should fall down among ’em. 

1st Reporter. Well we’d have good soft plac s to fall on. It 
wouldn’t hurt much to fall on any of those heads. 

Mr. Metheglin. [With loud legislative voice.] Mr. Speaker, 
in the name of the commonwealth, in the name of the universe 
and Mower County, in the name of justice, in the name of—of 
—what was I saying?—oh, yes, now I remember—well I 
impeach Judge Page of the County of Mower, aforesaid, be the 
same more or less. [Applause from Delegates from Mower 
County.] 

Counsel for Delegates. Mr. Speaker, before we proceed, I 
would like to consult with my client, from Mower. 

Speaker. No one objecting, leave is granted. 

[Counsel goes over to delegation, and whispers, during which 
time, members eat pea-nuts and throw paper wads at each other.] 

Counsel for Delegation. [Shaking his head and speaking to 
delegates.] No, as yet, I can’t see that there is anything 
in it. Page, you all say, is a very able and honest Judge. [1st 
delegate hands counsel money.] Well, the more I think of the 


Scene 1.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


7 


matter [Shaking money in his pocket], the more there seems to be 
in it. Page has made himself so unpopular. [2d delegate gives 
money to counsel]. Why, yes, as I weigh the matter in hand, 
\He hefts the money in his hand,] the more it improves. I think 
you have about an even chance with old Page. The fact is, 
he hasn’t got any friends. [3d delegate gives money.] Gen¬ 
tlemen, [Shaking, alternately, money in both pockets ,] you have 
filled both my hope and expectation, and all the require¬ 
ments to enlist all my honest sympathies in your behalf, and 
to arouse all my indignation, hatred and resentment towards 
that tyrant Page. You have given me full proof of his guilt. 
Impeach him ? Of course we will! I only wonder that it has not 
been done long ago. [Continues whispering to and receiving 
money from delegates.] 

1st Reporter. Oh, golly Jim, just look at the swag! We’ve 
done most of the lying to bring about this impeachment, and 
here this fellow gets more in one day, than we get in a year. 

2d Reporter. Yes, we shake the bush and he nabs the birds. 
But you see Bill, [ Kicking his feet,] we always go where glory 
awaits us. 

Member from Brown, [Shaking a fifty dollar bill in his hand, 
and speaking excitedly.] Mr. Speaker, there’s bribery in the air ! 
This here rag was slipped into my sleeve last night, while I was 
asleep. I dreamed it was a five hundred dollar bill, but, in the 
morning, I found it was only a fifty, and although I can’t read, 
yet I have reason to believe that it is some of that counterfeit 
money that they say this Page has brought up here, to corrupt 
this honorable body. I don’t care about the corruption, hut I 
call for an investigation, as to whether this bill is good or not. 

Speaker. No objection being made, the House will dissolve 
itself into a committee of investigation of the whole, on the bill 
introduced by the gentleman from Brown. [Members go and look 
at the.bill, and whisper in the ear of the member from brown.] 
Is the committee ready to report ? 

A Member. We rise and report, that the bill is sound, al¬ 
though very much soiled from lager beer and limburger cheese, 
since it has come into the posession of the member from Brown. 
We further find that the clerk of this House is a son of a 
publican, at whose house the member from Brown boards; and 
we also find, that the bill in question was not intended as a 
bribe, but only as a Merrill Text Book thumb paper. 


8 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


[Act II. 


Speaker. The report is accepted; and no objection being 
made, let the Bill introduced by the member from Brown, be 
put upon its passage—into the pocket of the clerk of this House 
and there remain on file, until the provisions in the honorable 
member’s hotel bill are repealed. 

[Counsel for delegation returns to his former place .] 

Is the special committee on impeachment ready to report ? 

Counsel for Delegation. —The committee ‘report that they 
have long and faithfully and impartially, examined the matters 
submitted to them for investigation. That they sent for per¬ 
sons and papers and other things; all of which they have care¬ 
fully weighed and considered, and that from the very valuable 
and weighty and conclusive evidence they have had before them, 
they are, notwithstanding their great respect and regard for the 
accused, constrained to present articles of impeahment against 
the honorable Sherman Page ! May the Lord have Mercy on him, 
for the committee can not! 

[Loucl knocking outside , and cries , Let us in! Let us in!] 

Speaker. [To Sergeant-at-arms.] Who are those rioters out 
there ? 

Sergeant. Oh, its only some taxpayers, who want to get in to 
protest against these proceedings. 

Mr. Metheglin. If that is all, tell them to go home about 
their own business. We are attending to this matter. Their 
part in the play don’t come in yet. 

Speaker. Order; the counsel for the Delegation from Mower 
County, has the floor. 

Counsel for Delegation. Mr. Speaker, it has cost the most of 
the members of this committee, a great deal [Shaking money in 
his pocket] to become unanimously in favor of the conclusions we 
have arrived at. At first, there did not seem to be a spot, on 
the character of the accused, bigger than a man’s hand; but, 
you all know the old adages, as to what perseverance, etc., will 
do, and as to what will make the mare go. It therefore was 
not very long, as we pursued the tortious course of this man, 
before what at first seemed but a mere mole hill of fault, began 
to magnify itself into a very mountain of iniquity. I must con¬ 
fess, sir, that I was perfectly shocked at the contemplation of the 
yawning abyss of misconduct, that our researches into this 
man’s acts opened to our view, and I can assure you, sir, that 
so great is my esteem for that Judge, that no money, indeed 


Scene 1.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


9 


nothing on earth but my great love for the purity of the Bench, 
and abhorrence of what I had seen, could have tempted me to 
join in this prosecution. 

[Great knocking at the door ivithout .] 

A Member. [.A Taxpayer .] I rise to protest against these 
proceedings. Why should the state, already trampled down with 
taxeaters, be burthened with the costs of this expensive boy’s 
play, at impeachment? I am a neighbor of Judge Page, and 
know him and his accusers well, and I can truly say, that these 
persecutors of Judge Page, as compared with himself, are but 
so many “ring”-tailed monkeys howling at the sun! I ask the 
Members of this house, if they ever expect to convict him ? 

[Cries of Order! Order!] 

Counsel for Delegation. The gentleman impertinently asks 
us whether we expect to convict Page, upon this impeachment? 
I would like to know, Mr. Speaker, what the question of con¬ 
viction or no conviction has to do with a proceeding of impeach¬ 
ment? The precedents by no means establish the fact, that 
impeachment is ever intended for conviction. Was Warren 
Hastings convicted? Was Aaron Burr convicted? Was Andrew 
Johnson convicted? Was JudgeHubbellconvicted? But if Eng¬ 
land and America and Wisconsin can have impeachments, why 
shall not the great and glorious and sovereign state of Minnesota 
have an impeachment also? No, sir, we do not claim that im¬ 
peachment should necessarily be followed by conviction ; for 
the superior uncertainty that the judgment of a high court of 
impeachment has over the verdict of a petit jury, is one of the 
highest recommendations that make these exalted tribunals so 
popular in these modern times. We may not, and probably 
will not convict Judge Page, but in the name of “raw head and 
bloody bones,” won’t we scare him though? [Terrible racket and 
knocking on the outside .] 

Mr. Metheglin. [Excitedly .] Mr. Speaker, in presence of 
the great—great momentary danger—danger, that we incur, 
every moment that we stay here—from the outside mob—mob 
that Judge Page has brought here—I move the previous ques¬ 
tion, that he be impeached instanter, and that we adjourn. 

Speaker. As the Mower County ring, but more particularly 
Miss Pinery Press, and also some Members of the Senate, 
and the hotel keepers of St. Paul, seem to be pleased with 
having an impeachment of somebody, and no one but Judge 


10 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


. [Act III. 


Page objecting, it is decided that the Judge may consider him¬ 
self impeached. It is hoped that no member will let transpire, 
or communicate to any reporter, any of our secret proceedings. 
This House will stand adjourned until the members can draw 
their pay and mileage, and go home and return on their free 
passes. The members will please leave their stationery and 
ink stands here until the close of the session.. -[Exeunt.] 

END OF ACT II. 


ACT III. 

Scene 1. [The Senate Chamber.—Discovering President, 
Members, and Officers of Senate.—Managers for the House 
and Counsel for Managers.—IIespondent and his Counsel.— 
Witnesses for Impeachment, with green ribbons tied on their 
ears. —Spectators, etc., etc. 

President of Senate. [Rapping with gavel.] The Senate will 
come to order. 

Senator K. Luff. I move that this honorable body do now 
form and organize itself into a high court of impeachment, for 
the trial and conviction of one Sherman Page, of whatever any 
body may allege against him ; and that said court be regulated 
and governed by the following rules: 

1st. This court shall be known and entitled as, “The High 
Old Court of Impeachment.” 

2d. All the members of the court, during its session, shall 
subsist on bread and water, and shall, each, not chew more 
than a pound of tobacco per day. 

3d. That the length of the session of this court shall be 
entirely governed and measured by the size of the appropriation 
made by the state for the payment of the expenses thereof; and 
that this court shall last while the money lasts, and no longer. 

4th. That this court shall use great care and economy in 
expending the appropriation made for its benefit; so that the 
whole of the same, as near as may be, shall be paid to the 
members of the court, and as little as possible to the witnesses. 
The members shall draw their pay at the end of each week, and 
the witnesses at the end of the session; provided there is any 



Scene 1.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


11 


balance of the appropriation left for that purpose. The court 
will reserve to itself the right to decide whether any witness has 
earned his pay, and act accordingly. 

President. This court being fully organized, the crier thereof 
will now proceed to proclaim the same open for business. 

Crier. Oh you ! Oh you ! All you good people of the 
County of Mower who have got anything against, or bad to say 
about Hon. Sherman Page, come into court, tell your story, and 
get your pay. The High Old Court of Impeachment is now 
wide open for business! 

Counsel for Respondent. >Mr. President, I move that the 
honorable Senator, Mr. K. Luff, be excused from participating 
in the proceedings of this honorable court. Mr. K. Luff was 
elected to the Senate upon express pledges, and for the sole 
purpose of casting his vote and influence for the conviction of 
Judge Page, in the event of his impeachment and trial. The 
Senate bears the same relation to this court that the cater¬ 
pillar does to the butterfly; so that the honorable Senator was 
elected to this court by Judge Page’s enemies and accusers, 
expressly for the purpose of aiding in his conviction. If the 
humblest citizen is charged, in a justice’s court, with even so 
slight a piece of misconduct as fishing on Sunday, he has a 
right to remove his case, if he fears that the justice will do 
injustice, or to challenge any juror who holds such disqualifying 
bias as this honorable Senator has exhibited against the res- 
.pondent; and yet, in this high court, one of its members, who 
holds his seat as a bribe for the misconduct he intends, and is 
anxious to perpetrate, insists on taking part in this trial, for the 
avowed purpose of carrying out his pledge to help, and do all 
he can towards the ruination of the hitherto fair name and 
reputation of a high judicial officer of the State. In the name of 
common sense—yea, in the name of common decency, I implore 
this obtrusive Senator to “sink into himself and be no more,” 
until this malicious persecution is over. 

Senator K. Luff. I move that the matter proposed by the 
gentleman be referred to a committee of one, and that such 
committee report instanter. 

President. No one objecting, the chair appoints the honor¬ 
able Senator, Mr. Iv. Luff, such committee as aforesaid, with 
power to send for persons and papers, and with instructions to 
report immediately. 


12 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


[Act III. 


Senator K. Luff. My—no— [Reads from a paper.] Your 
committee, after long and patient investigation, report as follows : 
[Members throw paper balls at each other.] 

1st. That it would be improper for the honorable Senator to 
relinquish his place in this court, for the reasons assigned by 
respondent’s counsel, because other objections might be alleged 
against other members of the court, until there would be no one 
left to try the accused. 

[Members throw paper-balls , etc.] 

2d. Your committee cannot see how the honorable Senator 
K. Luff can draw his pay and mileage, unless he sits and acts 
as a member of this court; which all legislative experience has 
declared to he a reason for the retention of a seat, stronger than 
any disqualification whatsoever. 

[Members throw paper-balls, etc.] 

3d. Your committee are unanimous in reporting, that the 
honorable Senator K. Luff, being inclined to cleave unto his 
seat, should be allowed to clew himself thereon. [Members 
throw paper-balls, etc.] 

President. No objection being made, and the majority of the 
ballots cast on each item of the report seeming to be in the 
affirmative, the report is adopted, and the honorable Senator, 
wax or no wax, is allowed to stick to his seat. The Court will 
now proceed to the trial of the impeachment of Hon. Sherman 
Page. 

ls£ Manager. Mr. President, w r e don’t come here to praise 
Judge Page, hut to bury him. Judge Page is a great man, a 
learned man, and, I have no doubt, he would have been a good 
man, had he never went to Mower County. It makes us weep 
to read what the House of Representatives of his own state has 
said about him. [He palls out handkerchief, and wipes his eyes.] 
But just hear what they say in their articles of impeachment. 
[He puts on glasses, and reads]: 

Article 1st. We charge said Sherman Page with obstructing 
the course of justice, by threats and intimidation, where lie 
himself was accused; with willfully and cruelly neglecting, 
while acting as judge, to try prisoners who, although never 
ready, may have been anxious about a speedy trial; and that 


Scene 1.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


13 


even when he, through judicial indulgence, has been allowed to 
try himself, he has still pursued the same obstinate and neg¬ 
lectful conduct, and permitted himself to go unwhipped of jus¬ 
tice. [Taking off spectacles, and speaking.] Oh, that we have 
ever lived to see the day that it becomes our solemn duty to con¬ 
duct this just persecution, against such a man as our old friend 
Judge Page ! [lie weeps severely, and wipes his eyes—then put- 
tiny on spectacles , reads.] Art. 2d. The accused has wickedly 
and selfishly claimed that judges are exempt from newspaper 
libels, the same as other people, whether they assist the Mower 
County ring in their little works of “industry,” or not. [ Speak¬ 
ing with attempted eloquence] —Mr. President, the heart sickens 
at such a cat-log of crimes and moral deformities. To think 
that such a man, of such intellect and learning, should let the 
sin of obstinacy, like the worm in the bud, sitting on a monu¬ 
ment, smiling at grief, play such fantastic tricks before 
high heaven, as make the angels weep! [Striking an attitude.] 
When a youth I knew him well. He even then would obsti¬ 
nately refuse to help us filch a watermelon! [Nods his head 
and fiercely looks about him—then puts on glasses, slowly, and 
reads.] 

Art. 4tli. The said Page has openly declared, that as a judge, 
he did not belong to Republicans, the Devil, nor any other “one- 
man” power, and has tyranically and perversely refused to let 
anybody run his court but himself. He has even had the 
audacity to charge grand juries that they should do their duty, 
and petit juries, that they are under oath to find verdicts ac¬ 
cording to law and evidence ; and has impertinently told county 
officers that they should not take more than double fees, and 
ought to pay over at least a decent share of the money they 
have collected. 

Art. 5th. That the respondent has been repeatedly known to 
pass some of his constituents on the streets, in a haughty, proud 
and aristocratic manner, without stopping and shaking hands, 
as he was wont to do before election. [Speaking.] 

The Psalmist has well said, lay up your treasures in heaven— 
put not your trust in princes—Republicans are ungrateful! 
Why should the spirit of mortals be proud ? Yet see what a 
proud stomach this Sherman Page has got! [Here he breaks 
out in tears—sniveling and talking.] Great man [crying] —learned 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


14 


[Act III. 


man— [sobbing] —ought to have known better than to have gone 
and clone it. [He reads hysterically, with hoarse voice.] 

Art. 9th. He has wantonly interfered with and endeavored to 
obstruct public riots. 

Art. 10th. That this man, even when a boy, overturned an 
old woman’s apple-stand in the public street! A judge whose 
character is thus marked with every act which may define a 
tyrant, is unfit to preside over the free people of Mower Connty. 
Here he breaks down, in tears—wiping his eyes and wringing out] 
his handkerchief.] 

Senator K. Luff. Mr. President, bowed down, as we all must 
be, by the emotions that the sad and lamentable eloquence we 
have just listened to has awakened within our bosoms, I move 
that, to give time for these feelings to subside, and out of respect 
and sympathy for Judge Page, this court now do adjourn until 
next week. 

President. No one objecting, and this body having now been 
in session for two consecutive days, the motion will prevail. 
Members going home for the purpose of getting their shirts 
washed, will, for safe keeping, carry their stationery with them. 

Exeunt.] 


Scene 2. [Senate Chamber.—Enter same persons as in Scene 
1.—Each Senator carrying a large bundle of clean clothes.—They 
take their places and seats.] 

President. [Rapping.] The court will come to order. The 
prosecution will now proceed with their evidence. 

Manager Metheglin. May it please the court, the witnesses 
for impeachment, and those against it, are so numerous—in 
fact being pretty much all of the male inhabitants of Mower 
County, who, when not subpoenaed by either party, have gene¬ 
rously subpoenaed themselves—that in order to distinguish one 
set from the other, and to enable them to know themselves, the 
managers have tied green ribbons on the ears of the witnesses 
for impeachment, which will serve, at the same time* as suitable 
badges of distinction, and as very appropriate ornaments ; as the 
color matches elegantly with the verdancy and simplicity of the 



Scene 2.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


15 


witnesses themselves. I will further state, that as all the wit¬ 
nesses for impeachment know, and will testify to one and the 
same thing, the managers propose to call and have them all 
sworn and examined at the same time. Mr. Officer, call the 
witnesses with green ear ribbons. 

Crier. Oh you! Oh you! All you fellers with your ears 
done up in green ribbons, come into court. 

[A large number of Witnesses with green ribbons on their ears, 
appear, and arrange themselves before the Clerk’s desk.] 

Clerk. [To Witnesses.] Hold up your hands. [Witnesses 
all hold up both hands.] One at a time! [They all, but one, take 
their hands down.] No, no, I mean all of you hold up one hand. 
[They all gather about the one with hand up, and seizd his hand.] 
No, not that way; each one hold up one of his own hands. 
[Each Witness holds up one hand.] 

Dutch Witness. Yell den vy doosen’t you zay so? 

Clerk. There now. [Swearing them.] You, and each of you, 
do solemnly affirm, that in this matter and difference between 
Mower County and one Sherman Page, you will tell your story 
against said Page, whether the same he what you know or all 
you know, and more too; as you expect to get pay at the last 
day—of the session of this court? [Taking his own hand down . 
All witnesses will remember that it is a rule of this court, that 
no witness will receive any pay unless he tells something worth 
hearing. 

Manager. [To Witnesses.] Do you all know anything against 
Judge Page? 

Several Witnesses. Yes, certainly, we all do. 

Swede Wit. Yaw-re, Yaw-re. 

Norwegian Wit. Yaw-gre, we-gre know-gre. 

Dutch Wit. Oh, yaw, yaw, me knows der Slioodge all der 
dimes. Der Slioodge ish ine goot mans. 

Manager. [Impatiently.] No, no, not answer that way. 
Answer all together, and only yes or no. When I turn my 
thumb up, [Making the motion on the table] you must all say 
Yes; when I turn my thumb down, [Showing how.] you must 
all say No. 

Dutch Wit. Doose we den zay, Zimon zays vipple vopple— 
doombs bees oop und doombs bees down? 


16 THE HIGH OLD COURT [ACT III. 

Manager. Oh, no; only yes or no. Now, all ready? Is 
Judge Page a tyrant? [Turning his thumb up.] 

Witnesses [All in chorus]. Ye-e-s-s-s. 

Manager. Is lie fit for a judge? [Turning liis thumb clown.] 

Witnesses. No-o-o-o. 

Manager. There, that’s it; now we can get along with “ease 
and safety.” Did Judge Page ever obstruct justice by objecting 
to he tried by a Justice of the Peace? Did he ever fail to bring 
to justice one Mollison ? And has he not refused to try himself 
in his own court ? 

Witnesses. Ye-e-e-s-s-s. 

Manager. Did you ever hear the accused say that a news¬ 
paper had no right to abuse and libel a judge because he did 
not belong to the ring? 

Witnesses. Ye-e-e-s-s-s. 

Manager. Did you ever hear the respondent say, that he 
wouldn’t have the Devil, or any Republican, or any other “one- 
man” power sit with him on the bench? 

Witnesses. Ye-e-e-s-s-s. 

Manager. Did you ever know, that on account of any charge 
given by Judge Page, any Grand or Petit Jury of Mower County 
ever did their duty, or found any verdict according to law and 
evidence ? Or of any officials of that county charging less fees, 
or paying over any money collected, on account of anything Pag# 
has said to them ? 

Witnesses. No-o-o-o. 

Manager. I move that that answer be stricken from the 
minutes. We didn’t want the witnesses to tell what the jurors 
and officers of Mower County have been doing; we only want 
to know if Page has been doing anything wrong. 

President. Perhaps, then, the manager had better ask them 
that question. 

Manager [Shaking himself]. Well, then, did you ever know 
of Page telling juries to do their duty, as they had sworn to do 
it, and county officials to charge less and pay more? 

Witnesses. Ye-e-e-s-s-s. 

Counsel for impeachment [Rubbing his hands.] I thought we 
would get it out, notwithstanding the artifices and cunning of 
the respondent and his counsel. We w'ould have all those who 
stand here opposing the course of law and justice, to know, 
right now, that by tampering with our witnesses they cannot 


Scene 2.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


IT 


escape this Nemesis of impeachment, whether their names be 
Hastings, or Burr, or Johnson, or Hubbell, or Page! 

President [Rapping*] Silence in court! 

Manager. Is the respondent, since he has been judge, as 
sociable with his constituents as he was before election ? 

Dutch Wit. Yot you means by zoshible ? Doose you mean 
dot he drink zo mooch peer mit der poys ? 

Manager. No, no; I mean, does he talk to those who voted 
for him, as much as he did before election? 

Dutch Wit. Oh, yaw; zome dimes he dalks to dem more dan 
day likes to hear. Venever he dries dem for some leedle dings, 
lie dalks to dem like ine Duitch ungle! 

President. Well, well, Mr. Manager, have you any other wit¬ 
nesses? 

Manager. If the court please, one moment. [To witnesses.] 
Do any of you know of the accused undertaking to suppress a 
riot that the people of Mower County had gotten up entirely on 
their own account, and without inviting the Judge to be present ? 

[Witnesses all hang their heads and are silent. After a moment , 
Manager whispers to one of them—then speaks to President.] I 
would say to the court, that, like John Sherman, none of the 
witnesses wish to remember anything about that riot. They 
say, however, that they didn’t let Page interfere with it to any 
alarming extent. 

President. Well, call your next witness. 

Clerk. Next. 

Manager. We have exhausted the male population of Mower 
County, and, therefore, can produce no more witnesses, unless 
the court will permit us to call some mules and cattle we have 
subpoenaed ? 

President. If they are from Mower County, the respondent, 
to save time, undoubtedly will admit, that they all will testify 
against him. 

Manager. We, then, if the court please, will here rest. [Sits 
down.] 

President. The respondent may now cross examine. 

Counsel, for Respondent. [ Cross-examining Witnesses.] In 
all these fusses and difficulties that the quiet and orderly 
people of Lickskillet and Mower County have had with this 
blood-thirsty Page, did any of them, for the sake of peace and 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


18 


[Act III. 


reconciliation, go to Page and try to reason these matters with 
him? 

Dutch Wit. Oh, yaw, we all reazons mit him. Molly Zoon, 
he reazon mit him, und Igman Zoon, he reasons mit him, und 
day all reazons mit him. 

Counsel for Respondent . In reasoning with Page, what did 
they say to him ? 

Dutch Wit. Yy day all dells him dot he ish ine dampt old 
fool, und it doose him no goot, for he gets ever zo madder dan 
he was pefore, all der zame. 

Counsel for Respondent. [To Witnesses.] Did you pay any¬ 
thing towards a fund for the purpose of paying counsel to secure 
impeachment and carry on this trial ? 

Witnesses. [All in chorus .] Ye-e-e-s-s-s. 

Counsel for Respondent. Did you each pay from twenty-five 
to one hundred dollars towards that fund, and all agree to stick 
to the same story? 

Witnesses. Ye-e-e-s-s. 

Counsel for Respondent. Most of you have b.een up before 
Judge Page for something; and all of you have made trouble 
with him, and are, therefore, his enemies. 

Couns d for Impeachment. We object—don’t answer—the 
question is leading, and the witnesses are not compelled to 
criminate themselves! 

Counsel for Respondent. [To President.] Well, as there is 
no question about the matter I spoke of, and as I did not ask 
any question, I suppose we have the privilege of waiving it. 
To Witnesses.] Did any of you ever say anything to Mollison, 
about his not being tried? 

Irish Wit. Ocli! and bedad we did. 

Counsel for Respondent. What did you say? 

Irish Wit. And sure I told him that Judge Page would do 
justice by him. 

Counsel for Respondent. And wliat did he say to that ? 

Irish Wit. Arrah! by the sliowl of me, he said that was jist 
what he was after fearin! 

Clerk. Next! 

Counsel for Respondent. [To Witnesses.] Was Miss Pinery 
Press present v at the riot spoken of? 

Dutch Wit. Naw, der old voomans, he vas not dare, poot he 
zends der leedle poy vot day calls Deek. 


Scene 2.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


19 


Counsel for Respondent. What did she send Dick for? 

Dutch Wit. Zo dot Shoodge Bage, he boots him in shail. 

Counsel for Respondent. Did you see Pinery Press after that, 
and what did she say ? 

Dutch Wit. Oh, yaw, me zees him und he pees ever so madt 
as der very duyvels. He zay den, dot if he has to dell lies zo 
pig as ever he can dell, dot he zhurely have Shoodge Bage’s 
slioodishal buddicks raised oop from his slioodgment zeat mit 
ine imbeachments. 

Clerk. Next! 

Counsel for Respondent. [To all the Witnesses.] You had 
rather not have any Judge at all, down in Mower, I suppose? 

Witnesses. [All in chorus.] That’s what’s the matter with 
Hannah! 

Clerk. Next! 

Counsel for Respondent. Mr. President, the respondent will 
here rest. We have a flock of witnesses to establish the inno- 
cense of the respondent, but as the prosecution has already 
done that for us, and our witnesses began to inquire whether 
impeachment trials would attend to their farms and business, 
and pay their taxes, we have concluded to let them return to 
their homes without being called on the stand to contradict their 
neighbors, who, it is hoped, will never again allow themselves 
to be made the dupes of knaves and shysters. I will further 
say, that as no evidence has been produced in support of article 
ten, I now. move that said article be stricken from the articles 
of impeachment. 

A Member. I propose that we go into secret session, for the 
purpose of considering that motion. 

President. No objection being heard, the motion to go into 
secret session is adopted. The lobby and galleries will be cleared 
of all persons who are so unfortunate as to have nothing else 
or nothing better to do, than to hang around this trial. [Exeunt 
Spectators.] The High Old Court of Impeachment will now 
go for a little secret session. [Exeunt omnes. 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


20 


[Act III. 


Scene 3. [Senate Chamber.—Enter same persons as in Scene 
2—all wiping their months with pocket-handkerchiefs, and chewing 
lemon peel.—They take their places and seats.] 

President. [Rapping.] The court, during secret session, has 
resolved, that the tenth article shall not he stricken out, for the 
following reasons : The fifth article charges that respondent does 
not, since he is Judge, speak to and shake hands with his con¬ 
stituents, the same as he was wont to do before and during 
election. The tenth article charges, that the accused, while a 
boy, overturned, in the street, an old woman’s apple-stand. 
Although there is offered no evidence in support of article ten, 
yet it has been urged by counsel, and the court has decided that 
the point is well taken, that the two articles, like the Siamese 
twins, are inseparably bound together, and mutually support 
each other, so that they both have to stand or lie down together. 

• This reasoning is very obvious. A boy who would turn over an 
old woman’s apple-stand, would be very likely, when he came 
to be a man and a Judge, to put on just such haughty airs as 
the fifth article alleges; while a Judge, who would put on such 
airs towards the voters who elected him, must have been the 
very kind of iconoclastic youth who would delight in casting 
down an old apple woman’s household gods, in the shape of 
pears and peanuts. The motion to strike out is denied. The 
counsel for impeachment will now proceed with their arguments. 

Counsel for Impeachment. Most potent, grave, and reverent 
seignors, my most approved and right good masters. You that 
have tears to shed prepare to shed them now. If I do not, 
before I sit down, make it clear to your mind’s eye that this 
impeachment is wen taken, and that the accused is guilty of 
each and every charge alleged against him, let the constitution 
of our commonwealth be rolled up and consumed like a scroll— 
let the laws of the lanct perish in obsolescence—let the scales of 
the goddess of justice fall from her hands, and the impartiality 
of her blindness be substituted by a pair of glass eyes! Let 
liberty perish, and chaos come again, while ruin, from the 
mountain tops, howls the requiem of expiring freedom! 

The respondent stands here, accused of attacking the liberties 
of the press—of obstructing justice—of attempting to overthrow 
established habits and customs respecting the management and 
conduct of our courts, and the affairs and duties of county 


Scene 3.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


21 


officials, and of introducing new and more aristocratic regula¬ 
tions therefor. He is charged with shunning and contemning, 
and even trying and convicting the very people who elected him 
to office; of impertinently meddling and interfering with a riot 
that the people had stirred up expressly for their own private 
benefit and amusement; yes, and to cap the climax of his 
iniquities, it is even charged, that while yet a boy, he overturned 
an old woman’s apple-stand ! Behold what a pyramid of 
criminal deformity! lacking nothing, to complete the whole 
catalogue of transgressions, but that it shall be bathed in blood ! 

Our constitution provides that the freedom of the press shall 
forever remain inviolate; and what, pray, is the freedom of the 
press ? Is it not that license that custom has given to news¬ 
papers, to say whatever they please about everybody and every¬ 
thing? And is a man, simply because he is a paltry little 
judge, to be allowed to trample under foot a right so sacred and 
valuable to the editor and reporter ? Perish the thought forever ! 

But, not content with trampling on the freedom of the press, 
contemplate the spectacle of a high judicial officer obstructing 
the course of justice! It is true that Mollison was never ready 
nor anxious to be tried, and that the judge, being in some way 
interested, could not well sit in the case, but why, in the name of 
heaven, if he could not try him himself, and Mollison would 
not let anybody else try him—why, I say, did he not discharge 
the prisoner ? Aye, gentlemen, that is the question ; why ? and 
echo answers why! 

Think, too, of a judge, who is elected by the people, as soon 
as he is installed in office, proclaiming that he is judge, and 
intends to run his court alone, without the aid of the republican 
party or any “one-man power;” yea, or even the devil himself! 
How would even the Supreme Court at Washington get along 
if it should place itself under the restrictions of such a voluntary 
curtailment of all outside counsel and assistance? Well might 
the good people of Mower County have felt alarm at such a 
revolutionary announcement, since it at once disfranchised 
most of them and their friends from even holding, the office of 
tipstaves in this autocratic court! 

In Mower County, as is well known, and as we have here 
proved, the county officials, by long and well-established cus¬ 
tom and habit, have adopted the convenient usage of running 
the county affairs in their own way. Feeling that the official 


22 THE HIGH OLD COURT [ACT III. 

fee-bills were disagreeably restricted and defined, having been 
prescribed by legislatures, one-half of whose members, perhaps, 
had never held a county office, so as to know how it is themselves, 
the county officers of Mower have, from time to time, gener¬ 
ously enlarged those fees; and feeling, also, that it would be 
more in conformity with commercial law to have a “ few days ” 
of grace apply to the legally prescribed time for the settlement 
of their official accounts, either with private persons or the 
public, they likewise, in this respect, have been in the habit of 
showing their liberality, by settling up whenever and as soon as 
they get good and ready. But lo ! this Page came among them ! 
Where all had been serene and lovely, soon all was turmoil and 
proscription! Soon the tyrannical fiat went forth, that not 
more than double fees would be allowed, and that every official 
must try, once in a while, to settle up, either in cash or by giv¬ 
ing his promissory note. When you consider, gentlemen, that 
all this body of much-trusted officials had done their duty to 
the very letter, in making collections of either judgments or 
taxes, you may imagine what a ruthless bombshell this super¬ 
cilious judge was guilty of casting among them ! But innova¬ 
tions like this, gentlemen, are always the work of the tyrant and 
usurper; and well might the officers of Mower County, in the 
language of the poet, have exclaimed: 

Oh, for impeachment of the slave, 

Whose spying eye, both day and night, 

Watches every ring and knave, 

And “knocks them higher than a kite.” 

Oh, my countrymen, that this was all! That this was the 
last item in the catalogue of this benighted man’s iniquities! 
Yet still the accusing angel proclaims against him ! The trial 
by jury—that palladium of our liberties—was not safe from 
his insatiate jaws ! Like a second Jeffreys, he has the audacity 
to tell the Grand Jury of Mower County, that they were sworn 
to do their duty, and the Petit Jury, that they were under oath 
to find verdicts according to law and evidence! Are we, in this 
nineteenth century, in the free State of Minnesota, to be told 
that juries are not at liberty to act according to the dictates of 
their own consciences and feelings ? Tell me where, outside of 
Mower County, has ever such a harsh rule as this been pre¬ 
scribed, or expected to be acted upon ? 


Scene 3.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


23 


Hitherto, we have conceded to the accused great ability and 
learning, and, therefore, we now approach with great reluctance 
the charge that he is guilty of ignorance of the law and his 
duty, in attempting to interfere with a popular riot. That his 
participation in the riot in question was from his ignorance of 
the law, more.than from his native ferocity, is made evident 
from our deep researches into the ancient learning upon this 
subject. We cite and quote from the high and venerable author¬ 
ity of Dogberry, that in case of riots and robberies, or other 
amusements in the streets, no officer or conservator of the 
peace should approach, .or make any arrests; and if any par¬ 
ticipant therein, unfortunately falls into his hands, that he 
should immediately release such prisoner; for the very excel¬ 
lent reason, as Dogberry wisely says, that it is bad to be seen 
in company with thieves and breakers of the peace. But of 
this high authority Judge Page was criminally ignorant, or he 
never had been, on the occasion in question, in such company 
as he thrust himself into in Mower County. Yet what can you 
expect of a man whose education and manners have been so 
neglected when a boy that he should then be guilty of the 
crime, and at last, when a man and a judge, come to be im¬ 
peached for overturning an old woman’s apple-stand'? Alas! 
for neglected youth, and human depravity ! 

But, gentlemen, although this usurper does turn over apple- 
stands, does ignorantly meddle with riots, obstruct justice, and 
destroy the utility of juries, still it is your duty to let him know 
that he can quell no riots here; that here are no apple-stands 
for him to over-turn, and that you are a jury above his law and 
instructions ; and that, although he may banish Justice from 
his own petty court in Mower County, yet, that she still sleeps 
in your bosoms, and has a resting place in this high old court 
of impeachment! 

Clerk. Next! 

President. Are the counsel for respondent ready to proceed 
with their argument ? 

Counsel for Respondent. We wish a little time for consultation. 
[Counsel and Assistant Counsel and Page consult together .— 
Assistant Counsel hands Page a huge bundle of manuscript, which 
Page rapidly turns over and examines, and then throws down on 
the table.] 


24 THE HIGH OLD COURT [ACT III. 

Assistant Counsel. [To Page.] Well Judge, wliat shall I do 
with it? 

Page. Oh burn it! [Members throw wads.] [Exit Assis¬ 
tant Counsel ivitli manuscript.] 

President. [Rapping.] Well, gentlemen, proceed. 

Counsel for Respondent. Mr. President, and gentlemen of the 
court,—I find myself somewhat embarassed and unprepared 
in being thus suddenly called upon to address you. One of my 
brother associates, who has just retired on account of : udden 
illness, was expected to have preceded me, and had fully pre¬ 
pared himself with a complete and most lengthy written argu¬ 
ment, which, from the fervor of its composition, I have no doubt, 
had it been delivered, would have heaped coals of fire upon the 
heads of the respondent’s accusers. Unfortunately, however, 
either by accident or spontaneous combustion, this valuable 
document, perhaps, by this time, is smouldering in its own 
ashes! I ther fore shall be compelled to open the argument. 

Never before, in the history of the 1 anomalous proceeding and 
trial by impeachment, has that most august and solemn form 
of investigation been so debased and humiliated, for grovelling 
and trivial purposes, .as upon the tedious occasion, which we are 
now about bringing to a close. We hav been compelled to 
witness and take part in a spectacle that can be likened to nothing 
else than the invocation of the thunder-bolts of Jupiter to per¬ 
form the office of the pop-gun ! Dare pondus finno! To gratify 
the spi e of a pack of grovelling enemies, who damnant quod, 
non intelligunt, and the vanity and cupidity of a few puffy and 
conceited attorneys, who, for glory or gain, assume the role of 
managers, forsooth, a respectable judge of one of the highest 
trial courts in the state, who has been guilty of nothing that 
would amount to a misdemeanor, or even an impropriety of 
which a justice of the peace would take cognizance, must be 
dragged forth before the world as the chief spectacle in an 
impeachment trial, wherein the judgment of the court, though 
it acquits the accused, always, simply by its notoriety, results 
in crucifying his character! These embryos of immortality, 
undoubtedly, have read of the trials of Warren Hastings, Aaron 
Burr, and Andrew Johnson, and by the jingling of the fees in 
some of their pockets, and the matchless eloquence or searching 
interrogation of others, we may e timate how nearly they have 
succeeded in their fancied rivalry of Burke, or Sheridan, or 


Scene 3.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


25 


Wirt, or Butler. It will be for them, hereafter, to learn from 
the people, when they come to foot the hills of these high pro¬ 
ceedings, how far up these “imps of fame” have climbed in the 
temple; or, perhaps, how much : etter it had been for both the 
state and hemselves, that they had never heard of the misdeeds 
of Hastings, or t :e misfortunes of Blannerhasset! They may 
lind out that in their aim a^ glory they have been trying an 
experiment, similar to that of the Irishman who undertook to 
shoot a squirrel with a gun without a breech-pin! He killed 
the squirre and himself at the same time. Didce ct decorum 
est pro patria mori! 

But what is all this silly boy’s play about? Why have we 
been compc lied to sit here for weeks, yea, almost months, gravely 
watching and waiting for this impeachment mountain to bring 
forth what we all Ihe time know will be only a “ridiculous mas V' 
Is it because the innocent accusers of Judge Page have any real 
grievances to complain of ? or is it because they have such proud 
stomachs, or delicacy of nerves, or fastidiousness of taste, in 
Uie matter of judicial proceedings, wherein any of them may be 
called to account for any of their little, innocent shortcomings ? 

Already, everywhere in the state, a criminal has a little chance 
in our courts to assert his innocence. In the first place, no 
matter how great a rascal he may be, even in Mower County, 
lie has the right to lie tried by his equals or peers. If he kills 
a man he has the right to swear to an alibi, although the dead 
man is not allowed to say a word. He an challenge every 
juror called who can read a newspaper, or has mind enough to 
form an opinion, or who has such impertinent curiosity as to 
inquire of any murder that has been committed in his vicinity. 
Then the law mercifully gives the prisoner the benefit of all 
reasonable doubts, even of his innocence, and his attorney the last 
word ; for the reason, perhaps, that the prisoner, very likely, had 
the last word at the time of the little unpleasentness with the 
deceased, and, besides, the last word will now do the dead man 
no good! But it seems that the persecuted, innocent peo¬ 
ple of Mower County, who find so much fault with Judge Page, 
require some further guarantees than all these for their safety. 
Perhaps they would prefer to give the prisoner the right to select 
the jury, and put himself on as foreman ! Even Mollison, with 
such a jury, might have been reconciled to Judge Page’s 
judicial tyrrany. But as to the county officials,and those patriotic 


26 


THE HIGH OLD COURT 


[Act III. 

citizens of Mower, who, for the purpose of preserving the purity 
of the judiciary, have so generously put their hands into the 
pockets of the tax-payers of the state, in furtherance of this im¬ 
peachment,it may well be doubted, that they would be suited 
with any sort of judicial system, short of a Stoughton bottle, for 
a judge, and twelve beer glasses for a jury! 

Gentlemen, I shall conclude by,saying, that if you find the 
respondent guilty, I trust that it will be taken that you rather 
like the business of sitting as a high court of impeachment, and 
intend to make this a precedent; and that in youi legislative 
capacity, next winter, you will abolish the office of justice of 
the peace throughout the state, and substitute, in its stead, this 
high old court of impeachment; so that you may have business 
at the capitol all the year round. As a final word, I will also 
remark, that if you conclude to remove Judge Page from the 
bench, the result of your action will very likely be to pull him 
down as a judge, but, at the same time, to set him up as a 
lawyer, with an unprecedented number of libel and slander suits 
to begin with, wherein he himself will be plaintiff, and almost 
every rapscallion in Mower County will be defendants. This is 
the only plausible ground that I can see for the conviction of 
Sherman Page. 

And now, gentlemen, it is hoped that in the little game of 
impeachment, certain members of this court will, for once, agree 
to cheat fair; and that, when you come to toss up coppers for 
the purpose of aiding your minds in determining what your 
judgment shall be, and whether by heads Page wins, or by tails 
he looses, it is also trusted that but few of your coppers will 
have tails on both sides. 

Think, too, gentlemen, before you permit yourselves to come 
co a conclusion adverse to the respondent, of the awful doom 
involved in such a judgment against him—a doom that casts its 
victim down from his exalted position, and chains him forever 
to the barren rock of disfranchisement—an eternal prey to the 
vultures of disappointed ambition! Think of what the most of 
you would have been, had the door to office been forever barred 
against you; and remember that, to the most of Minnesotians, 
the sweet hope of office is the guiding star of life, while each of 
the lucky ones, whose election is already made sure, feels, with 
Shakespeare, that he who steals my purse, steals trash—’twas 
mine—’tis his, and I can steal another; but he who filches my 


Scene 3.] 


OF IMPEACHMENT. 


27 


good office, takes that which oft enriches me, but lost , I’m poor 
indeed! Office, gentlemen, is the sine qua non of our patriotic 
people. Savage foes may fake their scalps; insatiate grass¬ 
hoppers and tax-eaters may lay waste their fruitful fields, and 
gnaw out their substance; blizzards may blow them away, and 
blazes consume them, yet, while the lamp of hope for official 
honors holds out to burn, they will still live or die happy ! Well 
then, may the average Minnesotian exclaim with me, in the 
immortal words of Patrick Henry—Give me office, or give me 
death! 

President . The court will now proceed to consider of its 
judgment, Members will vote guilty or not guilty, with their 
reasons appended. The clerk will pass a hat to receive the 
votes. 

[Clerk passing hat, while Page, Managers, and Counsel for 
both sides, and Spectators go on the floor, and whisper to and hug 
the Members. Members, while voting, throw paper-balls at each 
other , etc. Clerk returns to his desk, and counts votes—then 
writes and hands a paper to President.] 

President [Rapping.] The court will come to order, and har¬ 
ken to its judgment, as it has been recorded. [Reads.] The 
judgment of this court, and the reasons therefor, are as follows: 

1st. That the respondent is guilty of having done his duty. 

2nd. That he is not suited to he judge for some people in 
Mower County. 

3d. That some people in said county are not fit to have a ly 
judge at all. 

4th. That Judge Page pays the fees of his own witnesses, 
and that the tax-papers pay all the rest. [Then speaking a la 
benediction, with extended hands :] May the angel of mercy drop 
a tear upon this Page, and blot out the record forever. As our 
appropriation is already expended, and more too, this court is 
now adjourned sine die. 

Enter Pinery Press. [Playing on a hand-organ — Tune : God 
Save the Queen .— Witnesses for impeachment hurrying towards 
the door.] 

Witnesses for Impeachment. Look sharp boys; old Page is 
loose again! [Shaking their fists.] Oh that Lawyer of ours, 


THE HIGH OLD COURT. 


28 


[Act III. 


who -told us to go home and rest assured that Page was an 
“impeached man!” [Exeunt.] 

[Curtain Falls to slow music on the organ — Tune : What will the 
harvest be ?] 


THE END. 

EPITAPH. 


Conceived in Sin, born in Iniquity, and died in Abortion. 



Aunty P. P., and the Whangdoodles for Impeachment, mourn- 
eth for their First Born. 








































61 


BOYS’ AND CHILDREN’S CLOTHING A SPECIALITY. 


61 


CO 

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CD 

CD 


CO 

cc. 

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61 


ST. PAUL ONE-PRICE 

CLOTHING HOUSE, 


GO 


East Third Street. 


The Largest Stock in the City. 


All Goods Marked in Plain Figures. 

SATTLER BROS. 


O 

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Du 

d 

Z2L 

CO 


61 


GEO. PALMES, 


rap e r 

BEST GOODS AND BEST WONKMANSHIP. 


atfil;®# 


Hi Fast '1'hird Street, 


ST. PAUL, MINN= 


-o- 


ESTABLISHED 1856. 


SBTEBLNTAATT PiOTTSIE, 



Tha most Coavgnieat Hotel to the E. St. Depots and Doit Landing in the City, 



















A. H. STROTJSB 


DRY GOODS, SILKS, 

And Ladies' Eeady'Made Crirmants a Speciality, 

Corner 3rd and Wabashaw Sts,, - ST, PAUL, MINN, 


All Goods at Retail, sold at strictly Wholesale Prices; and all orders from 
the Country will receive prompt attention. 

HENRY PL MASTERSON, 

Counsellor - at- Law, 

112 EAST THIRD STREET, 

ST. PAUL, - - - MINNESOTA. 

P. BOERINGER, 

38 East Third Street, ST. PAUL. 

OPTICIAN, and Mathematical, 

Philosophical and Surveying 
Instruments. 


Patent Office Models 
a speciality. 

dewitT:. COOLEY, 

Attorney and Counsellor-at-Law, 

113 EAST THIRD STREET, 

ST. PAUL, - . MINNESOTA. 





























GARLAND 


CHEAPEST HOUSE IN THE WEST. 



41 EAST THIRD STREET, 


ST. PAUL, - - MINN. 


Trunk Manufactory 









































































































































« 























LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 


II. A; I iA N l.*H 


0 033 239 127 6 

A. laAMPHCR & Co., 


103 East Third Street 



ST, PAUL, MIUN, 


Hatters, Gents Furnishers 


AND SHIRT MAHERS. 



THE 


International Hotel, 


( of. JiicksiHi au l S«‘V«<ntli Sis 


ST. PAUL, MINN 


IVl. T, C. FLOWER, Proprietor. 


TKHMS, *IM> Wr /nr 


NORTH-WESTERN DEPARTMENT 

Manhattan Fire Insurance Company, 

OF \T;W YORK «’l l V. 

OkFfflK, M. (IS III ILL STREET. 

CASH ASSETS, $ 7 !>n,r»<i:i.!ML 

ANJJG3W J. SMIT2, President. LOUT’S P. CAM AN, Cecratrry r 

S' G. EATON, Western Aspnt, St. Tivd. Mina. 


i 


















